Dear ladies let’s talk about it, competition. It’s been around since the playground and followed us into our adult lives. Some say the only place competition is paused is while drunk in the lady’s room complimenting each other on our new earrings and sharing secrets. One of my 2020 resolutions is to compete less with the outside world and stay in my lane.
The shift from personal to impersonal competition began in the early days. We were still developing how we wanted to be seen through each others eyes and used fashion as expression. Flashy gear and high ponies, don’t forget the mix of emotions and all the hormones. You probably started to notice that the girl getting the most amount of attention was different than everyone else. She put in that extra effort and started wearing makeup early or maybe she was really funny; there was just something about her that you didn’t have.
Now that we are grown, social media is our outlet of expression and here is where this invisible competition begins. Some don’t even know they’re competing, but they are, and we are, and we’re all sitting on the sidelines watching. We feed off the likes, comments, notifications and turn it against one another. We scroll through pages and measure followers and then think, what about me? Where’s my attention?
Their vacation pics scream, ‘I’m living the life,’
and you have nothing worth while to post about. I realize each person is their own main character in the story of their lives, but we don’t need to hate each other for it.
Our internal dialogue doesn’t need to become one upping or humble bragging. This mentality will only lead us into a darker hole of what I like to call the, ‘how can I make them like me’ syndrome. This syndrome isn’t something new per say, it’s just a bit more obvious these days. With technology connecting us with 5g internet, hotspots and our favourite, free wi-fi there is no place to hide. This is why all 2020 and hopefully beyond, I’m staying in my lane, with blinders on.
Usually competition means there is a clear winner and loser, no participation marks in the real world. I think that with the new rules of the world and social media, we are all losing, but we can change that! I’ll tell you why in three simple points and hopefully we can identify and fix these hiccups. The first reason is that in the modern era someone is always going to be better than us, and they are going to show us how. New clothes, a new nose or a new car, if you can buy it, someone will have it. But there is something they can’t buy, CONFIDENCE. We are giving ourselves away for likes and still not liking ourselves. Does that make sense to you?
Why not be confident in knowing who you are and how you make this little rock in the vast universe, better…
When someone said money can’t buy happiness they were right, but it can buy followers who “like” you and that makes us happy right? WRONG! Let’s let go of the ideal version of ourselves. Which brings me to my second point; while we try to portray the ideal or perfect version of ourselves, we lose the most authentic and genuine aspects and privilege of getting to be real selves. Have you ever sat there and been thankful for your height? Personally, I am 5 foot 2 inches and sometimes get to shop in the kids’ section which means I’m saving that $$$.
One way to combat competition is practicing gratitude each night before you close your eyes. Say three things you’re thankful for that could have happened that day, that week or anything in particular that allows you to appreciate your life. Say it out loud, do it before your workouts or even by writing why you’re thankful in your journal. This ritual has changed my life, not in a massive way, but has allowed me to appreciate the blessings I have today.
Sometimes the social world bombards you with material goods, shoes, new wardrobes and makes it feel like you don’t have enough. Think about it this way, the larger the hole, the more you have to fill. Do less and say less, sit back and listen before you speak and I am sure you will still have value to add.
The third reason is that competition is diminishing our relationship making skills. Instead of supporting and hyping our fellow females; we are secretly talking about them and dulling their light, which adds zero value. We are less likely to start conversations in person, more likely to stare at our phones and I’m tired of it. Thankfully Toronto is great for networking and gives us ample opportunities to meet like minded people to add to our circles. I am always on the lookout for networking events for women who believe in the same things that I do. It could be cooking or being active, go out and find your people! Cy & Company who will be hosting plenty of events in 2020 so please keep an eye out and subscribe to our newsletter so you’re not missing out on building yourself and each other up!
So here’s how we can all stay in our own lanes… take care of yourself and your circle. No more gossiping or getting wrapped up in the drama and no more comparing yourself to people you don’t know over the internet. I have serious goals to attain and I want my girl posse to back me up! Let’s continue to empower game changers and march into this decade ready to climb mountains. Let’s stop competing and let’s start building!
- Nikita Gallyot